do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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