It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
