So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Randomize
