There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
