tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
