I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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