He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
