i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
