do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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