If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
