I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
