the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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