one might say we're banned from that church
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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