walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
