hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is wine microwaveable?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize