a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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