I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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