My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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