My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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