So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
