Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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