these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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