Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
