dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
