I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
