i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
