The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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