I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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