dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
