Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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