bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
