insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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