Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
