11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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