i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize