Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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