i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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