I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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