You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize