Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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