So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
