Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
