Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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