i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
two words...techno handjob
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
