..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
