He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
