So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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