i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
