Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize