we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Come on in and take your pants off
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