i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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