when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
