Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
