So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am midnight drunk by noon
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
