Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
