Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
