He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
