Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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