That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
