take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize