I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
