I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
