Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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