my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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