I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
