he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
