5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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