I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize