Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's just like the Real World with babies
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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